The List

I see the world as operating on certain conditions:
Spiritual
Romantic
Social
Mental
Physical

These are the areas which I intend on repairing in my life. As I work through them I will continually set goals and reward myself ONLY when I achieve those goals.

In the spiritual realm I want to:
Define in words what I believe as best I can. I do not seem to have a "church" per say which believes what I do in my heart. I currently attend with a congregation with very similar beliefs, but some of what I believe is different (possibly controversial) in nature to anything even these like-minded christians believe. My first goal is to write an essay about why I believe we are all forgiven. When I finish I will reward myself with a day of reflection to myself- I will go to Orvis hot springs for the day.

In the romantic realm I want to:
Find out why my mind is so tortured in this area. I am married to a man who loves me deeply. By all means I should be the happiest woman you could meet because of this. The man thinks I can do anything. I need to probe further in to why I feel this awful when it comes to love. Why does love suck for me? I believe part of my problem is that I carry a lot of my emotions without ever expressing them, even when my husband asks what is wrong. For one month I will tell him what is on my mind. I will blog this, however in a private blog (there is enough "romance" in blogs as it is) to keep track and be certain I am following what I say I will do. I will also write him a love poem. At the end of this month I will take my husband on a date, where I wil read the poem I have written.

In the social realm I want to:
Figure out what I am best at, what I am meant to do so to say. There are four things that really turn me on: researching/learning, teaching, writing and music. The music seems to be the odd man out, but maybe it isn't. Guess we'll have to see. I will write this blog at least twice a week, at least one of those two times will be a blog to teach others something I know. I love teaching! To reward myself I will purchase a new set of cd's (up to 5)

Mentally I want to be at peace. I do not expect to be this way at all times, but I want to try to be more and more peaceful. Right now I am like a raging river, I want to train my brain to be a calm mountain lake. Sometimes the water becomes cold, sometimes warm sometimes calm sometimes stirred, but mostly contained (with the exception of the stream that feeds it and leaves it). Right now I can't keep hold of myself, I am like a river. This month I will learn a one minute and a five minute meditation which I can do to help myself get to a middle ground between high and low. To calm myself and even out my mood when I am having a rough day. To reward myself I will take a two hour retreat in the park alone to breath and meditate.

Physical:
I am overweight. I have joined the 90 day Fit For SUCCESS Challenge. My weight goal is to lose 20 pounds through diet and excercise. I am joining a gym tomorrow. I am going quasy-vegitarian (again). I will be using the Shawn Phillips strength for life program. My workouts will be during my lunch hour. I am going to plan my family's meals one week ahead of time to make sure I am prepared to make a nutritious meal instead of something quick.